A Letter to My Beloved Bella

Posted on Apr 30, 2015 in Faith | 69 comments

Screen shot 2015-04-29 at 4.25.44 PMTo my beautiful, beautiful Bella,

How I miss you.  I can’t believe it’s been a year since you’ve been gone.  Not a day has gone by I haven’t thought of you and your funny, silly, disobedient, precious ways.  How you’d look at me with those eyes, wagging your tail, asking me for more food (again), with that “smile” on your face.

As much as my heart has ached missing you, the worst pain has been watching Bolt miss you.  You were a wonderful mom, Sweet Girl, cuddling your son and playing with him.  I’ll never forget how he audibly cried for three days after you died.  He would look for you, confused, and cry.  It broke my heart.  I gave him stuffed animals about your size to cuddle with, and he still sleeps with them today.  He and we all love you so much, which is why we miss you so much.

Although images of your sudden, tragic death will forever sadden me, I choose to think of the countless times you made me smile.  The day we brought you home, when you went to the bathroom on William’s lap.  When we found you sleeping in the sun–in a flower pot.  How you’d bark and bark and dig and dig in the sand at the country house, trying to get some reaction from the turtle.  How you’d move your bowl around the kitchen floor with your nose, signaling to me it was time again to eat.  How you’d start licking something you had disobediently been chewing when you realized you’d been caught in the act.

Yes, you were a character, Bella, often making us laugh, but more than anything, you were love.  When I needed it the most.  After Ben died, I think God knew I needed something to hold, something to touch and love.  And so my omniscient Provider gave me you, the “good and perfect gift” of a precious Beagle puppy (James 1:17).  I’ll never forget all the nights after the rest of the family had gone to bed that I’d stay up holding you.  Petting you and letting all the love I couldn’t give Ben to you.  And you’d look at me with eyes that caressed my soul.  Through you I felt Ben’s and God’s love from heaven.  I’ll never, ever forget that.  That’s why I know you were a gift from my Father above, Who “…is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

You grew up to be my workout buddy, doing the Manitou Incline with me countless times, you became a great mom–I loved “babysitting” when you tired of nursing six puppies and would try to hide!–and you were such a fun playmate to William, Chelsey, Danny and Joey for seven wonderful years.  We speak of you often, Bella, and miss you every day.

You were one of the best friends I’ll ever have, Beautiful Girl.  I cherish the time we had together and will love you forever.

Dear God,

Thank You for Your great love for me when Bella left this world.  It was one of the darkest days of my life, and Your light shone bright:  “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.  I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:19-23).

Thank You, God, for Bella!

2 Comments

  1. Dear Laurie,
    This brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt love for Bella. Our pets are such wonderful friends, able to know when we need a gentle touch, someone to just be there and love us and somehow understand. And like Bella, make us laugh when we’re feeling sad & broken. I’m glad she was there for you in those difficult times after you lost your precious little Ben. Now he has her to tell him all about you!
    Love, Trudi

    • Dearest Trudi,
      You are so sweet and such a blessing in my life. I always love hearing what you have to say.
      One of Bella’s puppies, Bolt’s sister named Aspen, died when she was just a couple days old. I’ve always believed Aspen was with Ben, and when Bella died, I was “happy” that she and her little Aspen were now reunited, too. God can bring good out of anything… Genesis 50:20.
      Love you,
      Laurie

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