When I think of the most thoughtful, most comforting ways people expressed their loving support to me throughout my grief, specific kindnesses come to mind. I share these ideas because I know from both the receiving and giving ends how difficult it can be to know what to do for someone who is grieving.

Of course I appreciate that every person is different, so I know the following ideas may not be right or appropriate all the time, but I think generally they would be considered kind and caring expressions of loving support. I have personally been on the receiving end of all of them, and they have been for me. 

Therefore, in no particular order…

1. With their permission, give a tree or bush.

And possibly even plant it in their yard or location of their choice.

It has been eighteen years since a white lilac tree, Rose of Sharon bush, and Baby Blue Spruce were given to our family and planted in our yard, and they still bring me such joy! What beautiful reminders they are of ongoing life, year after year, as they bloom and grow—especially as they have survived many Colorado storms of wind, hail, and snow.

2. Give a book.

You may already know of a wonderful one to share, but if you need ideas you can find them on my Resources page. Reading others’ grief and faith stories provided me great solace, perhaps letting me know I wasn’t alone. Plus, the grieving one can read on their own time and in their own way.

3. Give a gift.

This could be a cozy blanket or stuffed animal, a framed picture or piece of jewelry, or a gift certificate for a massage, facial, or pedicure—basically just something you think would be meaningful to the grieving one.

And just drop the gift off or have it delivered. Give in such a way that nothing is required of the grieving one—not even for them to answer the door or have a conversation unless they want to.

4. Offer to give a puppy.

And possibly even offer to take the grieving one to see, be with, and choose from the litter of puppies.

Obviously becoming the owner and caretaker of a puppy is a nontrivial commitment, but a puppy could be a godsend to the grieving one, as my puppy Bella was for me. At the very least, seeing and holding puppies would most likely bring a smile to the grieving one’s face.

5. Send a sympathy card in the mail.

For the person sad and grieving, it is so nice to take even a short walk to the mailbox—getting some fresh air and exercise—and find a special, personalized envelope with a thoughtful sympathy card and handwritten note inside.

6. Take a dinner or meal.

And just drop it off at the front door, having prearranged when you are going to do so.

Again, ideally give the meal (or groceries or gift card) in such a way that nothing is required of the grieving one—not answering the door and having a conversation (unless they want to), washing dishes, or getting various items back to you.

7. Contribute financially to the cause in their loved one’s obituary.

I cannot overemphasize how meaningful and exciting it was for me every single time I learned of a new contribution—no matter the dollar amount—to “Baby Ben’s Bungalow,” the playground built at our church in honor of my son. You can know the grieving one will appreciate your gift because they have suggested it.

8. Love the grieving one with an act of service.

With their permission, sweep and spruce up their front porch, do some weeding, gardening, or snow shoveling, run some errands or help in some way with their kids—basically do something meaningful to them;

9. Offer to be with the grieving one.

This could be in their home, on a walk, or at a movie or church or anywhere of their choosing. And offer to listen if they want to talk about their loved one.

To clarify, let this offer be something that may or may not involve talking, but simply whatever, whenever, and wherever the grieving one prefers.

10. Remember the anniversary of the loved one’s death.

This could be with a card, text, flowers, or gift—it doesn’t so much matter what the form of remembrance is; what matters and will mean the world to the grieving one is that you have remembered their loved one, ideally for years to come.

If you have other ideas you would like to share, please feel free to do so on the Connect page of my website.

May God bless you as you prayerfully offer loving support to your grieving family member or friend.  

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” ~ Romans 12:15